Caddywhompus

My life has never been absent of adventure. Since I can remember, simply living, going about my daily routines, things happen….yes…all on their own things happen….with no assistance from myself. So, occasionally, I will share some of my adventures for good community building. After all, if you can’t laugh at crazy, you might as well be six feet under.

Thanks to Urban Dictionary, Caddywhompus is understood as “crooked, uneven, broken, ass-backwards and sideways,” which explains a recent Sunday I survived. Some back-story includes my seven year old son that I co-parent with his mother in New Hampshire.  Any opportunity presented to have him I travel the distance between New Jersey and New Hampshire; a full eight hour day of driving.

This particular Sunday I was returning to New Hampshire and was half-way through Connecticut, around the Bridgeport area, when I caught a flat. Yes, you catch a flat because life only throws curve-balls when your not looking, and apparently I am never looking. Thank the heavens for my thick skull right! Sitting in the car, my son sharing a puzzled look with me as if to say “I’m hungry, fix the tire so we can get something to eat.”  Feeling relieved, I remembered renewing my AAA membership the week earlier from when my van broke down in Trenton. However, basic membership only covers the first three miles for any tow; the rate for each additional mile after the first three is $4. I located a Pep boys 2.5 miles away which was golden! Tow the car to Pep boys, change the tire, and continue route within an hour! “Hold on son, your daddy’s a genius, just sit there and take some notes!”

I strongly recommend having a AAA membership if you don’t have one already. 15 minutes after making the service call the wrecker arrives. With a smile on my face, hiking up my big boy pants I shake hands with the wrecker driver, then things start going not as planned….He asked for my id. “Sure thing!”, “Right away I have it right he..rrre….errr….ahhh.” Ya, not cool, if you have kids you feel my pain. All the running around in departure readiness, having essential documentation is generally not something thought of when preparing long distance trips. We do think of, however, essentials to pacify the little ones; movies, Ipods, Ipads, kindles….whatever. The driver assures me he needs a photo identification to ensure that I am a AAA member…..as if another AAA member parked in my exact location, driving the exact make and model of the car that I am driving (which was provided to the AAA service representative with my license plate) had called for a wrecker….

This is where things started to get interesting. After tossing about some solutions to the driver like “hey, simple mistake, however I can assure you I am a AAA member, let me call AAA and verify my membership with you”, and “my seven year old son is in the car and hungry, he must of done something with my license….” that one always works right?! Look at him, he is grinning at you…..”Sorry, if you don’t have an Id I will need to cancel the service call; but! But! if you would like I can install your spare which would cost you $40.”

“I can change a tire myself thank you” I snorted while opening the truck to reveal my spare….with a hole in it, “Do you happen to have a spare, spare laying around?!” With a stupid wrecker driver stare he just stood there, waiting. “So let me understand the situation clearly”, “What do you normally bill AAA for a service charge, $300? Your arguing with me on the side of I-95 as if you don’t need $300 and you are about to leave a Marine Veteran and his seven year old son, stranded, on the side of the road, I have this right?”

While walking a way he throws back a quick “yup”, hops in his wrecker and drives off. Myself still holding the spare tire with a what-the-hell-just-happened look on my face. “Buddy, you see that, he just drove off!” Seven year olds are precious, my son is now in the back seat looking at me through the rear windshield with one of the biggest grins I have ever seen grace his face. All I can do is nod with pursed lips at what just transpired.

What would you do in this situation?! Stranded on the side of an interstate, cars whizzing by you, no spare, no wrecker. Do what I do, sip your Red bull, throw the hazards on, reverse and hit the next exit! Through the off ramp into the next stop light, to my right I notice another driver looking at me perplexed. I wave and drive on through the next several lights sipping my Red bull, blasting Miranda Lambert’s Gunpowder & Lead driving caddywhompus through the streets of Bridgeport looking for a tire repair shop; both myself and my son with full on grins.

If you have never been to Bridgeport, the demographic is predominately African-American. Imagine a white guy driving around the streets of your city with his hazards on, a flat tire, sipping Red bull through a straw and blasting country music; what would you think is going on?! Several finger-pointings’, bewildered looks, and a couple of laughs later I come upon a small shanty like gas station where none of the attendants spoke English. No problem, like the citizens of Bridgeport had shown me, I point to the guy in overalls and then point to the tire. The attendant nods and even tosses a thumbs up. 15 minutes later and $40 dollars poorer we are back on the road to New Hampshire without further incident.